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Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If anyone said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.
"Tommy," said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half."
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, "You lose."
The best bet for a player to make is what is called a "Mind Bet" You stand behind the game watch the action and attempt to predict the winner. You never bet any real money you only bet in your mind.
Last week a friend of mine lost his mind three times.
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman.
"Who's that woman with Jim? " she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the wife
One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
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President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.
"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. We learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."
President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette is a dangerous game!"
The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."
He pushed a buzzer, and in paraded a half dozen, magnificently built women who immediate shrugged off their garb.
"You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.
As you can well imagine, THIS got Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice when a thought occurred to him.
"How is this related to Russian roulette?"
The African leader smiled evilly, leaned towards Clinton and in a soft, even voice said: "One of them is a cannibal."
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."
Two men were at the Casino and were just leaving to go home at 3:00 a.m.
Man1: "You know what I hate about this? When I go home. I turn off my headlights, turn off the engine, and coast into the driveway. Then I go to the front door, take off my shoes and sneak in as quietly as I can. But my wife always wakes up and we end up having a fight."
Man2: What I do instead is drive into the driveway, honk the horn a few times, get out of the car, slam the door, go in the house and slam the door. Then I yell "Honey, I'm home," run upstairs, slap her on the ass and say, "How about a little love, woman?" She never even moves.